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8 things NOT to do to a d*ck during sex

Cocks, penises, dicks, John Thomas' are fun things to play with. To lick, suck and fuck them are my favourite pastime. But there are SOME things you should not do to a cock, and here are my top 8 things to never do to a cock during sex or any other time..





💖 DO NOT BEND HIS HARD COCK - It won't bend, and as much as you think it is fun to try (brats I'm looking at you), he will not thank you for it.


💖 DO NOT BITE HIS COCK - Okay, well even I think this one is bullshit...nothing wrong with a little nibble, but don't break the skin. This could result in injury and a VERY awkward A&E trip. No, the nurse will not believe you when you tell her you're a cock-vampire.


💖 DO NOT FLICK, SLAP OR OTHERWISE HIT AROUND HIS COCK - His cock is not whack-a-mole. Unless that's your/his thing, then please carry on ;)


💖 DO NOT APPLY EXCESSIVE FRICTION TO HIS COCK - While some friction is encouraged, vigorous friction could end up in carpet burn. And I don't know if you remember getting friction burn on your knees when you were younger (or as an adult as a result of some vigorous cock sucking) but that SHIT HURTS.


💖 DO NOT PUT HIS COCK INTO A PLUG SOCKET - I'm not giving this one an explanation. The same way you don't take a toaster into the bath.


💖 DO NOT BLEACH/ ZOFLORA/ FEBREEZE HIS COCK - No matter how dirty, smelly, and just downright grim. Tell him to go wash, and if he won't maybe it's best you ask him to leave and bleach the surfaces he's touched...


💖 DO NOT IRON HIS BALLS - Wrinkled balls are UNFORTUNATELY normal. I have prayed before for a pair of crease-free bollocks to be presented to me, but alas this is yet to happen.


💖 DO NOT STAND ON HIS COCK TO REACH YOUR FAVOURITE TOY - His penis will not withstand the weight and believe you me, you will both be crying by the end of the night.


Ultimately, stay safe, stay kinky and don't be a DICK.




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