I have more random offers of sex in my social media inbox in one day than some people get in a lifetime.
I am totally flattered every single time. However, usually baffled by the lack of effort some guys go to.
Here are a few simple examples of messages I regularly receive:
“Want to fuck” “I want to fuck you” “I’m bored - wanna fuck”
And this is my personal favourite as I believe this is the shortest anyone can boil the whole process down to
So I got to thinking about what makes me think I’d really like to fuck someone on FetLife. And decided to make a list of things to do and things not to do to help you all out.
Things to do:
💖 Be a girl - It’s not new news that I love girls and always send them to the front of the queue.
💖 Live near me - I really mean live near me like no more than 30 mins travel. (I have never understood the logic of intercontinental sex tourism just to scratch your itch).
💖 Be nice and polite whilst flirting - I love good manners and people who have mastered the art of flirtation. Just enough to insinuate something without actually saying it.
💖 Be patient for my replies - I have loads and loads going on and it's tricky to keep up to date sometimes. It’s kinda hot to know that you are not needy as well. Makes me feel that you are confident that I'll come back to you.
Things you should not do:
💖 Live the other side of the planet - Sadly, however, hot, kind or amazing you are 12,000 miles is too far to travel for a date. This does not mean I will not chat with you, but sadly the travel is too much for a girl, for now at least.
💖 Become a sex pest - Firing messages into my inbox like a machine gun one after the other about how you want to get off with me is not sexy. And please for the love of God do not double down and then insult me as I have not replied quick enough for your ego.
💖 Don’t be the Domly Dom - If you think it's ok to demand I use honorifics for you, give me a pet name in the first few messages or demand my servitude you are clearly a dick. You also totally misunderstand the misery a bratty princess can extort from you in her dark dungeon with a red hot poker and only one hole to aim at when you bend over...go on I dare you ;)
💖 Don’t think because I'm a slut I’ll fuck you - In fact, I am far more likely to fuck those people that don’t expect it. The greatest power of being a slut is I choose and fuck-boi’s (or fuck-girls, but they don’t seem to appear so often) never get chosen.