Consensual non-consent is often hotly debated within the BDSM community. It does not mean you can consensually abuse your partner, however, involves a deep level of trust and agreement between the two people involved.
It is a common fantasy yet is often widely misunderstood and not very often explained. So here are my two cents!
Part of the Ropes and Knives and Cumming, Oh My! Series… https://www.hotredheadnextdoorblog.com/post/ropes-and-cumming-and-knives-oh-my-what-is-edge-play
Safety warning: It’s risky. It’s called edge-play for a reason because it can be seriously dangerous. You can of course try it out but PLEASE make sure you are educated beforehand. Go to some workshops, learn from others who are more experienced than you!
Make sure that you and whomever you are playing with negotiate what is happening beforehand, use a safe word and practice R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink):
1. Talking to your partner and discussing scenes (the kinky stuff you want to do) in advance so that everyone knows what they are doing and what they might expect.
2. Gain the full enthusiastic consent from all parties before commencing with the scene.
3. Make sure that safe words are agreed in advance; respect these and the universal “red” which will stop all activities immediately.
CNC Safety Warning: Let the submissive, anyone who they live with, and anyone else whom may be involved in the scene what is happening beforehand. You do not have to give all details to the submissive but it will save you a hell of a lot of trouble later… read my examples at the end…
What is CNC? CNC Meaning
Firstly, consensual non-consent does not necessarily refer to rape play. Rape play refers to a sexual act, whereas CNC kink is referring to roleplay of someone being forced to do something against their will which can be a whole range of different things within the BDSM spectrum.
Consensual non-consent (CNC) is where the submissive hands over control over to the Dominant for a set period. The Dominant acts as if the submissive has not given their consent however prior to the “scene” or arranged period consent has been given fully, enthusiastically and completely.
“Non-consensual” refers to the fact that the Dominant may force the submissive to comply should they refuse.
As usual, safe words are hugely important. If not even more so!
It is hugely important that anyone involved in BDSM practices R.A.C.K. that is risk aware, consensual kink. Safe words are an important part of this, when “non-consent” is involved. If the submissive is screaming and crying and begging the Dominant to stop, they need to be clear that they do not actually want them to stop unless they signify others.
The generic and agreed safe words are “green” – everything is okay, “yellow” – please check in with me, “red” – stop everything immediately.
If the situation is where the submissive will be bound and unable to speak, a gesture can be used instead or the ringing of a bell for example.
Remember, even though this is “non-consensual” remember that consent has been given and must be respected should it be subsequently withdrawn.
Plan appropriately – the aftermath of this can be completely different than what you are expecting.
Even through this is consensual you will still be putting your body into fight or flight mode (as the submissive). As the Dominant you may find it hard to enter the right headspace, and even harder to come out of it. Therefore, it is important you plan aftercare beforehand.
Making sure you are both in a good headspace beforehand, no arguments or anything that could spill over into the scene.
Make sure afterwards you both take time to speak to each other about what has happened and what you liked and did not like and what could work in the future.
This is super important as although consent has been given, the level of stress that the body is put under can mean that the submissive may act differently and want different levels of aftercare. Some people want to be left alone, whereas usually they would wan tot be held for example. It is important that the Dominant respects this and does not try and change this as this can affect the relationship in the longer term.
Consensual Non-Consent CNC Examples
There are lots of different ways you can practice consensual non-consent, here are some examples you may wish to talk through with your partner:
· Intruder entering the home
· Carrying out uncomfortable punishments
· Interrogation scenes
· Pretending to leave the submissive incapacitated*
*N.B. Do not ever leave the submissive actually unattended if they are bound in any way this is hugely dangerous. You can use cameras to keep an eye on them or check on them if their senses are dulled (i.e. blindfolds, earmuffs etc.)
CNC is about communication.
Ultimately, to engage in consensual non-consent (CNC) you need to communicate with your partner effectively. As in all BDSM practices, this is of great importance but perhaps even more so due to the “non-consensual” part.
Make sure you communicate your limits; your likes, dislikes, and absolutely fuck-off no goes beforehand so that you can both enjoy the scenario effectively.
And FINALLY remember, please let your submissive know a rough idea of WHEN the CNC may take place. This saves not only your nose (they may punch you), but also your pride as I’m sure you do not want to try and explain to the police officer in the back of a van why you were only “pretending” to kidnap the screaming human running away from you.
If you have any questions or anything you would like to add please let me know below!